Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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