saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
