in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Randomize
