I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
