my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
