For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
