You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
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