i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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