did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
This baby is an asshole
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
