I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
