im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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