I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
