Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
