so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
