Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
