there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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