Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Can vaginas get frostbite?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
