So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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