Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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