So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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