was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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