Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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