Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
