that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
