I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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