if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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