The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
