i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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