Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
just come out here and I will go home with you...
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
