He asked me if I "almost moaned"
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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