I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
