ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
