We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
