I could have mohawked her pubes.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
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