You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
bring money and cleavage
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
