all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
