small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
