I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
