Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
