The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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