So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
