He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
