Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
