I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
