i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
