I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
