he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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