a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
