u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Randomize
