2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
What a fucking waste of an outfit
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Can you bring me the toilet please
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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