im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
