I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
