At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
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